Friday, September 14, 2012

Planting the Seeds

Hello readers, I hope that you are well. I am stepping out of the past for just a moment. I have news. I am trying to make my blog into something more. To use it to help others. I never thought about that in the beginning. All those many words and stories ago. Before I found my compass. When I started pouring it all out I had no idea the why of it. I just had so much inside of me that wanted, needed to get out. I desired a witness. A friend. Someone to see the pain and say that it mattered. To connect to the world that I had spent my life avoiding. To be part of something bigger than myself. And as people shared with me and encouraged me, I grew bold. I thought that maybe there was a way to use all of this struggle, this pain to help others. Because I am not alone. How you become a shadow dweller may differ. Some are abandoned, discarded by parents or lovers. By circumstances beyond our control. Through poor health or poor choices. We hide from the world. Believing we are not enough. Either too fat or too thin,  too short or  too tall. Not the right color or sex. There are a thousand variations, reasons to be given for being less than. And we believe them all. It does not matter the reality of things, only what we are taught to think. We wrap ourselves in the pain and bow our heads.

   I say all this in the present, because I am taking your advice. You know who you are. I am submitting my blog to a contest. it is called Blogger Idol and it can be found on facebook. I really want to make it into the top 12. Really I want to go farther than that. But it is baby steps for now. I hope that you like my words and that they bring you something more than you had before you discovered them. I want to pull as many of us out of the dark as I can. Nothing good grows there in the darkness. It is not a natural state. We do not belong hidden away, in shame which is not ours. We are not meant to hide. We have value. These things do not define us. Whatever the path that lead us deep into the darkness, we can move past it. That is what every new day offers us, hope.

  I want you to know there is always hope. As long as you breathe you can change your life. Please wish me luck and send good thoughts. I am putting it all out there and hoping that something good will grow. I have planted good seeds and tended them well and I hope to reap something more. To fashion a better life out of these things that I have. To gather those stones I have shared with you and to lay the foundation of something great. To take the sticks that tried to beat me down and lash them together to make a worthy dwelling for my hopes and dreams. For my heart and my soul. A place for the very essence of me. I do not think that that is too much, too high an aim. We all deserve such a haven. And if I can find a way out of the past, out of the pain and the shame, then so can others. We can make our own world. We do not have to be ruled by fear and memories that no one should have to endure. We can lay it all down and move on.

  We must take the time to mourn. Whatever tears at our hearts. Be it betrayal, brutality, lies or indifference. Mourn for what we had and what we lacked. For the children we were and the adults we became. Honor the pain and the wound that it left. Acknowledge the scar and realize the limits we have set on ourselves because of our pasts. To learn to let go of the hurt. To release the pain. It is of no value. It is not a treasure to be held close. No, it is a poison to be expelled and discarded. I wish you dear reader peace. I am sending out my words and my well wishes and I hope you catch them up in your heart and carry the ones that you need. I will leave a new path, with my words and my stories. Lessons, some to be followed and others to be avoided. A tale of an escape route. A treasure map. Only instead of an X to mark the spot there would be a small mirror reflecting your image back at you. Because the greatest gift, the best treasure is you. I hope you know that. You are the best thing you have going for yourself and you are enough. That is the secret to it all. The answer to a million silent prayers. You are the power in your life. You create your own reality and you set the limits. Give yourself the credit and allow no one else to make you small. Take up all the room you can. Think big and dream bigger. I hope this makes sense. That you get what I am layin down. Tomorrow we will be back on our journey. Bring a knapsack and flashlight. We will have to bump around in the dimly lit corners to get where we are going. I thank you for taking the trip with me. I do so enjoy traveling with you. And no matter how we avoid it, we all eventually end up on memory lane looking for things we lost or never had. Hoping for new revelations that will make it all clear. How we ended up where we did and where we will go from there. Life is an adventure and we are all vagabonds. Pack light dear reader. Do not take things that you do not need. No ugly labels or foul names. Nothing to weight you down. Because we are going to climb out of the darkness and anything that you do not want to grow must stay in the dark places. Do not bring out weeds of hate or hurt. Pack only the good things. We have places to go and people to see. We are going to be enough. This time we are all enough.

 You can follow the goings on and vote and tweet by going to Blogger Idol on facebook.


  1. I'll vote for you as soon as it opens. (And assuming I can figure out how.) :)

  2. Lol, I understand...First I have to make the cut. Only the top 12 get in...I am so nervous. I had to write this little "audition" thingy and I think I bombed it. I typed it up so fast and hit send before I had a chance to chicken out...and then I wanted to take it back and change it all...Thank you though. You are very supportive and I appreciate your opinion.