A Mystery Called Faith

                                                A Mystery Called Faith

  So, I have been thinking of this for sometime. I so want to make sure I get this one right....let me try

   I have been thinking a lot about what faith is. What is hope and how do you find it and more importantly hold on to it. You can not buy it. However, many try to attach a dollar amount to it. Hawking it like a snake oil salesman. I have seen hope packaged in jars and pills in books and in those past days tapes. It is always the same "do this and you will get that".  It is a falsehood a counterfeit.
Hope and faith are not found outside of you anymore than happiness is. It is within you. I can feel you balk. I know. I have been where you are. So sad and broken. Lost and surely forgotten that I just knew there was no way out of this mess that had some how become my world. So different from what I had planned and dreamed of. I was obsessed with how I had gotten it so wrong. How had I ended up HERE? I have asked myself that so many times, with no answers to be found. But now so far from that shallow port of regret I have my answers. I drifted in the current. I let myself be drawn off course, and then pleaded astonishment when I washed up in despair.  The truth is I had to take that journey. I had to spring a few leaks and do a little bailing. It was in those times of frantic chaos that I learned I was in command. That this life was mine and I was firmly in control of it, or not. That it was all up to me.

  I think I was born with an extra dollop of  faith. I have no idea where it came from. I just know, I always know that whatever it is it will change. Life will turn my way. It has to. I will accept no less. You are not defeated until you choose to be. I look at what I have available. A warm afternoon, a good book, a dear friend and loved pet and I hang on to all of them. I look at my broken life one piece at a time and just like a puzzle, one of those really hard ones with lots of pieces, I start fitting them and refitting them. Piece by piece I rework my journey. Because it is a journey and I will not stay on shore. I must go out to find my dreams. My hopes are not to be found in a lotto ticket or a long lost relative. No, I must do this. It is exciting. The possibility of it all. The idea that I can live as big as I can dream as long as I participate. As long as I seal up those holes with wax and ride with the wind. That is a key. A special secret that no one taught me. I learn everything the hard way it seems. If the wind keeps blowing you off course, it you cannot out pace the storm, turn around. Look at your map. Ponder your course. Something is not right. Something must be changed. Everything that has brought me to this place, HERE with you, has been for a reason.

  I could not understand other's pain and struggles if I had not had my own. I would be some vapid useless being living in a self involved world with no advice or knowledge to impart. What could I possibly know? I am at peace with my life. With where I have been and where I am going. There have been things mourned and things lost. That is the way of life. Everything has added to shaping who I am. Who I choice to be. That is hope. That is faith. I do believe in a higher being. It matters not to me what name you give for it. It's power does not come form a name. It comes from the very fact that it is so. I would not wish to live in a place where I am the highest form of life. When this is the greatest level to be achieved. And so I hold on. When life gets hard, I have always held on. Knowing that whatever it is will pass. That there is a solution to every problem and that the sun will still shine warm on my face.

  It is hope and faith that bring me through. Every time my head says quit, it is too hard. You cannot do this and my body bends from a pain that no medicine can cure, I feel it. It starts very small like a small itch just beyond my reach. It will not let me fail. No, it says. You cannot quit.. It reminds me how far I have come. It does not line up my woes. No, it knocks them all down and says "they are gone, now what excuse do you have" And that inner voice that is fed on faith, sustained by hope says more. It calls me a little girl, which has always been the best way to get me on my tiptoes to prove I am big enough. That voice knows just what to say to get me to take my eyes off myself and to remember that I am no one's victim. That I am not a quitter and I deserve love and happiness, but that I will have to work for it. Going through obstacles is what we are here for. To learn new skills and to hone the ones we already possess. To change what we can and to make the world better for us being here. There is no talent in running a tally, a mental inventory of every flaw or misstep in other's. In shooting out darts tipped in poison, in an attempt to lessen the toxic pain in my own heart. Sharing your hurt only doubles it, but in sharing your love, you triple your return. Invest wisely. You will reap what you sow.

  Be still and listen. Find that small voice inside you. The one that says you can. That you will. That child that still dreams and nurture them. Encourage them, love them. You will be rewarded. Faith is very easy when things are going your way, it is when things get hard. When you hit the bottom so hard you skin your heart and your tears run like blood. That dear reader is when you pull out hope and faith. Faith in yourself, faith in others and grab hope too. They travel together. Hold on tight. Invite them in and bid them stay. Make them welcome. Give them no cause to leave. Do not listen to anyone or anything that says you can't. It is a lie. The negative thought is always a liar and a thief. It will steal your dreams, your hope, your life. Do not allow it. Make it hard. Put up a fight. And when you have no more battle left in you, look for that child's heart we all have and hold on. Stand firm and believe. Everything changes. You can have your dreams, you must simply get up and go find them. No one hand delivers them in this world. So, clear your thoughts, wash your face and look at the child you once were in the mirror. Give them a smile, they are counting on you. And see the possible looking back in those child's eyes. They are waiting on you. Love is a balm to heal, faith is an undeserved grace and hope? Hope is the magical voice that whispers " all things are possible. Get up. You have things to do."

 Love to you dear reader. I hope you catch my meaning with this one. YOU are greater than you know and unless you push on, you will never have all that you desire.