Sunday, December 16, 2012

Don't feed the Beast.

 Today is a sad day. Our world got a little smaller, a little more broken and there is an overall sadness at the loss of yet more young lives. I understand the anger, the helplessness and the despair. I can feel the trap of frustration and rage beaconing me. I must resist. All the feelings of pain will not change anything. Feelings of loss, of powerlessness are natural at times like these. Yell out if you must. Cry tears of rage and anguish. Fall to your knees with the weight of it all and then, get up. Wipe away the tears and ask yourself "what can I do?" How can I channel these emotions and make something good? Rage is a wildfire that cannot differentiate between that which is worthy of our wrath and that which is not. We must acknowledge our feelings and then craft a way to make things better. Please do not let your words cause more hurt or pain. Hate, when fed doubles it's yield. Love when nurtured will give back tenfold. Choose to love. It is not easy. Nothing about life is easy. I will mourn with you. Those who where lost are worthy of that honor. I will pray and reach out to my own children and to my friends. I will try to be more gentle in my responses to those whom I do not always agree with. I will work harder to love more. Because what happened today, this horrible tragic deed, is bad enough. I will not add to that. This is not a gun control issue. Do not place your soapbox on this bloodstained ground. Move along. Light a candle, say a prayer. Do something positive. I am seeing far too much hate on both sides of this debate trying to co-op this event. Stop it. If you cannot simply give support to those effected, say nothing. This is not about your belief's. It is not about an agenda. It is about children whom will never  open the presents, lovingly selected and beautifully wrapped under twinkling Christmas trees. It is about parents and spouses whom will not be at the dinner table tonight or any other. They are gone. We are less for their lose.

  This was not the blog I had planned for today. But, I am moved to speak to this. It is with sorrow in my heart that I learn about each and every victim. It would be so much easier to turn away. To say it is too much. Too sad. That I cannot stand to know any more than the vagueness of numbers and places. That would be easy. It would however not be right. Because these sacrifices to one man's crazy mattered. These souls that now flash across my TV screen are important. And I understand the desire to be angry. I have been there. It is too easy to wrap ourselves in anger, as if it is a great comfy blanket. Letting it muffle the true feelings of grief and pain. So great that it feels like it will swallow you whole if you do not cover your heart with anger. But that protection all too soon turns into a prison. I have lived there. Wasted years of my life feeding that ugly beast. I have puzzled at the desire to snap at slow cashiers and give a snarky remark to a surly attendant. I have embarrassed my family with a quick flick of my tongue. Dripped venom on the world and been surprised when I get the same back. I was on autopilot. Answering every encounter with a false indignant air. I have harmed and hurt so many. Strangers and family alike. So comfortable had I become in that tent I had pitched in the valley of anger. I had made a little home there. Planted flowers that could never grow there. Everything dies in that valley of darkness. Anger is a cancer that will eat your soul. Please believe me, this I know.

  Turning to anger when you are hurt is like placing a puss filled maggot invested dressing on a fresh wound. It will not heal. It can only become infected and vester. Until it controls your life. Let yourself mourn. It is an honest emotion, and oh so necessary. Acknowledge your pain, whatever the source and then just as you would a leaky pipe, fix it. Stop the rusty water, before it soaks your life through. If you cannot remedy the injury on your own, reach out. You are not alone. And if it will still not stop, turn off the source. Whatever is feeding your pain, let it go. It is not what you need. Anger is insidious, a black mold that will invade your life until the only solution is to burn it all down.

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